My Introduction

How I found purpose as a Christian wife and saved my marriage

I hesitated for a moment as I sat alone at the kitchen table, pouring over the pages of my Bible. It was during one of my daily devotions that I read a passage I’d read many times before but never really given much thought. I was a modern American Christian woman. I had a Christian worldview colored by my American feminist goggles — submission was an ugly word. But this morning, that verse ignited a spark within me.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. — Colossians 3:18

I’d read about the biblical command for wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to love their wives. I accepted the Americanized version of that meaning, “Women you don’t really have to submit to your husbands. It’s more about spouses caring for each other.” But that’s not what it said. It said “Wives, submit to your husbands.” And it wasn’t the only one. I double checked and cross referenced and found more.

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. — 1 Peter 3:1

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. — Ephesians 5:22

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. — Titus 2:4–5

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. — 1 Peter 3:4–5

It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes, this was no mere one off verse subject to interpretation. It was a clear, repeated command. And it revealed a deeper understanding of the profound love and trust that could exist within a marriage.

I began to explore what it would me to be a submissive wife. I read articles, blogs, and listened to podcast of christian women talking about submission. There was a lot of modern feminist garbage to sort through. Lots of justifications for not following the command. Lots of excuses. Lots of “we know better now.” But every so often there was someone, like me, who wanted to truly understand what it meant — without a current cultural filter. And I found some.

In fact, I found two “camps” of women committed to the idea of being submissive wives. They had a lot in common. Both groups firmly believed that a Dominant Husband and submissive wife was the ideal marriage. Both groups touted the myriad benefits of this relationship. And both expressed profound satisfaction and peace within their marriage, both in daily life and both especially — sexually.

One of these groups had no religious influence at all. They were the D/s relationship (Dominant/submissive) women from BDSM. They talked of engaging in sexual practices that were clearly outside the bounds of scripture but were also clearly enriched by being submissive to a male lover.

The other were Christian Submissive Wives. The focused much less on the sexual nature and never used terms like Dominant/Submissive, D/s, or BDSM. But they quite clearly worked from a very similar mindset as their secular counterparts. There were hints of sexuality, but never specifics.

But then, there was also the tiny sliver of the Venn diagram where the two overlapped. The Christian D/s Wives. Christian women who intentionally, with biblical motivation, entered into a Dominant/submissive relationship with their Husband and submitted to him in every way, including sex.

It was this group that I was most intrigued by and attracted to. I thought our sex life was fine. Nothing too flashy, routine, but got the job done — I assumed. I think in the back of my head, I knew my husband wasn’t satisfied with our sex life. But I just never let myself think about it. He was a good man, he’d never leave me, so I felt safe without the need to make anything other than a token effort for him in the bedroom.

But these Christian sisters spoke of something much more compelling. They claimed that they directly, verbally, and unequivocally submitted to their Husband’s authority over their bodies. They claimed they vowed to their Husbands to obey them in every way — including sexually and that it had changed their lives and marriages for the better. Incredibly so.

They argued that within a Christian marriage, D/s can truly reach its full potential. The submissive Christian wife can give up total control to her Dominant Christian Husband, because she knows he will only exercise his authority for her best interest.

I read the questions other women had asked on forums.

What he if makes me cut my hair?

What if he wants sex when I don’t feel like it?

What if he makes me try something I’m not sure about?

And the list went on, but the answer was always the same: trust and submit. They backed up their claims and answers with a vast array of personal examples, stories, and testimonials from women who had whole-heartedly tried it. And they all loved it.

He went to the salon with me and told the stylist what he wanted. I was shocked, but when it was done, I couldn’t believe how sexy I felt!

We have sex twice a day now versus about once a week before. I never thought I would be up for that, but the excitement, pride, and joy I feel from him using me for his pleasure is something I would never trade.

I never wanted to give oral sex. I thought it would be gross, but he made me. Once I got past my prior misconceptions, I realized, that I could be good at it and serve my husband well with this gift. He even *ahem* finishes in some ways that I would have previously objected to, but with my proper attitude, I’m able to see how even that is a gift from me to him, or maybe it’s a gift from him to me :)”

He picks out all my clothes including my underwear and lingerie. He picks things I’d never choose for myself. But knowing I’m special enough for him to choose to do this for me, to make me attractive to him, brings me joy and immense satisfaction.

The more I read of these Christian D/s wives, the more convinced I became that they were onto something. Perhaps they were on to the thing. True Biblical Submission with no reservations. The verses say for wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Are there any reservations, excuses, or justifications in submitting to the Lord? Do we hold anything back? Do we say, “I’ll submit here and here, but not here and here?” “I’ll surrender my work and family to you, but not my sexuality?” No, of course not. So how can we be biblical wives without fully submitting to our husbands in the same way? -Without reservation.

I know this sounds like every man’s dream, but my Husband is truly a Godly man. I didn’t know how he would react. I very carefully put together all my research, information, and desires.

With trembling hands, I approached my husband, my heart pounding with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. I shared with him the newfound knowledge I had gained, the teachings of biblical submission that had resonated so deeply within my soul and how I believed it was best expressed in the context of a D/s relationship. I explained that I desired to honor God’s command and create a marriage that reflected the divine love and harmony portrayed in the Scriptures as a wife fully submitted to her husband.

He listened attentively, his eyes reflecting a blend of curiosity, openness, a bit of shock, and just a hint of excitement. We engaged in lengthy conversations, exploring the implications of this decision on our relationship. Together, we delved into the Scriptures and my research seeking guidance and understanding of our roles as Dominant Husband and submissive wife.

As we studied and prayed together, we knew the path we were embarking on had a strong sexual emphasis. We understood that within the context of a Christian marriage, the exploration of dominance and submission could be a manifestation of the biblical commandments. It was about more than just power dynamics; it was about trust, respect, and a deep connection between us.

With mutual consent and a shared commitment to honoring our faith, we decided to embrace a Dominant/submissive (D/s) marriage. I chose to submit to my husband’s authority, trusting him to lead us with love, wisdom, and compassion. In return, he committed to loving me unconditionally, cherishing me, and nurturing our relationship.

Our journey was not without challenges. We navigated the complexities of power dynamics, setting clear boundaries, and ensuring that our desires aligned with our Christian values. Communication became paramount as we openly discussed our fantasies, needs, desires, and limitations. We discovered that vulnerability and trust were the foundation upon which our D/s dynamic thrived.

As our D/s marriage unfolded, we experienced a profound transformation. Our intimate connection grew deeper and more passionate than ever before. With each act of submission, I found a sense of liberation and fulfillment, knowing that I was honoring both my husband and our faith. My husband, in his role as Dominant, embraced his responsibility with humility, always prioritizing my well-being and pleasure.

Outside the bedroom, our D/s dynamic permeated our everyday lives. We made decisions together, of course, but my husband’s guidance provided a sense of security and direction. It brought us closer, fostering a bond built on trust, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to our faith.

Our journey challenged societal norms, but we remained grounded in the understanding that our marriage was founded on love, consent, and a deep spiritual connection. We recognized that our D/s dynamic was not for everyone, and we respected that each couple’s journey would be unique.

Through our experiences, we desired to become advocates for open conversations about intimacy, the exploration of desires, and the role of submission within a Christian marriage. We shared our story, emphasizing the importance of consent, communication, and the honoring of biblical principles.

In the end, our D/s marriage, rooted in the biblical teachings of submission and love, brought us immense joy, fulfillment, and a deeper bond. It became a testament to the power of faith, trust, and embracing our desires within the context of a committed, loving relationship.